Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
