you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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