we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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