these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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