Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize