i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
