just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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