I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
