He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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