sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
