i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
