I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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