take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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