walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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