somebody snuck up and got me drunk
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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