i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
