Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize