We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
So squirting runs in the family.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
