so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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