No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
