Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Your topless pictures make me question reality
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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