it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
