WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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