Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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