her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
