have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
