I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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