I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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