last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
