It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
