Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
