Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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