If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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