watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I currently don't understand fingers.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
