thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I would fuck him just for his dog
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
