the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
