thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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