This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
