He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Randomize