1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
