Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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