i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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