True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize