I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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