i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
