I cannot find my penis.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
