we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
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