3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
