Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
