i permit you to call me
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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