i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
