I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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