I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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