Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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