Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
