i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
babies were throwing up all over the place
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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