I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
