i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize