I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
