Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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