My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
