Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Well I just put wine in my tea
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
