I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
