So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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