i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
