you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
